Like Esther Rantzen, my 85-year-old mother has stage four lung cancer and is probably on the same “miracle drug” (Esther Rantzen ‘considering assisted dying’ if cancer treatment fails, 19 December). She has never smoked, but like the musician Roy Castle, liked jazz and that apparently was enough.
Her oncologist has told her that the miracle drug will gradually lose its effectiveness and she will grow ill and die. My mother has married and divorced three times, she has travelled all over the world, and she recently witnessed her eldest son, my brother, die. She has had several businesses and worked until almost 80.
She has asked me to assist her death to avoid the awful, unpleasant end. For love, I would, but I told her that I would go to prison if I did. I may still. I cannot refuse the final wish of this wonderful lady to spare her the pain and indignity of a drawn-out death. She has had enough, has done everything and does not deserve an unpleasant end. The law needs changing so that I don’t have to go to prison for helping the person that I love the most to die with dignity.
Timothy A Millea
Huddersfield, West Yorkshire
As a former nurse who looked after patients and their families at the end of life, I can attest that I didn’t encounter a single family desperate to hurry along their relative’s life to “get their hands on the family silver” (Bravo, Esther Rantzen, it’s only the wimps in Westminster who are too afraid to talk about assisted dying, theguardian.com, 19 December). Almost without exception, they wanted their loved one to stay with them; it was the patient themselves who wanted to go. And many of these patients were having the best palliative care afforded to them.
I listened to many people asking me to help them to die. What is also forgotten is that in the past, many a family doctor would help a dying person on their way, quietly and humanely, without fuss or fanfare. As Dr Henry Marsh writes in his memoir, And Finally: Matters of Life and Death, the most humane act that a doctor can do is to enable a humane and dignified death for someone who wants it.
Patrica Higgs
Hildenborough, Kent
I feel so frustrated that parliament continues to ignore the wishes of the people it is meant to represent. When I was 50 years old, I was diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer. I was faced with the fact that I had a terminal illness. I had a loving husband and my children were in their early 20s. For me, it was so important to know that I could choose how, when and where I would die. I wanted their memories to be of the amazing times we had shared and not of me suffering.
The fear of not being able to do this was overwhelming and not something I should have had to deal with in addition to fighting the cancer. I secretly began stocking away some of my painkillers so that I knew I had that option. I accept that some people believe that your life is not yours to take. I and many others do not share this belief and we should not have such a fundamental choice closed to us.
Beverley Fain
Hanley Swan, Worcestershire
My 96-year-old mother passed away five years ago. Her veins had collapsed so she could not be treated with the intravenous antibiotics that she needed for an infection in her spine. She spoke at length to the medical team, who were wonderful, but were unable to accede to her request that someone come when she was asleep and give her an injection to end her life. Any movement was excruciating, and she was unable to swallow.
The hospital’s palliative care unit was of course kind, thoughtful and empathic, but we could not do anything to alleviate her suffering while she died over a number of days, from starvation and thirst. No one should have to suffer a prolonged death simply through lack of choice.
Isabel Coughlin
Coldstream, Scottish Borders
