Jordan Prosser: the 10 funniest things I have ever seen (on the internet)

Just when I think I’m out, the internet pulls me back in. My partner controls my social media passwords (at my request) because any time I log on for “work” or “research” or “human connection” it inevitably spirals into at least a full hour of rewatching old Micallef Program bits and thumbing through endless reams of memes both dank and wholesome. Here are 10 things on the internet I find myself returning to time and time again when I really ought to be doing basically anything else.

1. Megan Stalter – Pride month

Every June the internet cringes as brands cynically attempt to cash in on Pride month. This evergreen TikTok by Megan Stalter (who stars in one of the best shows on television, Hacks) is perhaps the best summary, and spoof, of these cringe-inducing displays of rainbow capitalism. “Wouldn’t a candle be nice for gay stuff?”

2. Please Don’t Destroy – THERE’S A NEW ONE!!!!

It’s entirely possible that I discovered this clip through this exact column but it’s so good it bears resharing – especially when each year continues to bring an onslaught of “hunky new teens on the Hollywood scene”. Having reached my mid-30s, I, too, can no longer keep changing how thick my legs are.

3. Patti Harrison’s Twitter ban

The trans comedian Patti Harrison was permanently banned from Twitter for impersonating the cookie brand Nilla Wafers and Sia (the singer) in another glorious parody of online brands’ whiplash-inducing reputation management. Watch her on Jimmy Kimmel for how it all went down.

4. I Think You Should Leave – Brian’s Hat

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson’s most finely constructed sketch, Brian’s Hat, reveals new layers of comedy with every viewing, from the prosecutor’s deadpan delivery to the impeccable courtroom TV recreation to the perfectly timed meeting of our put-upon hero, Brian.

5. Can he chug a sparkling water and *not* burp?

Look, I like to believe I’m a man of taste and refinement but I also grew up watching Australia’s Funniest Home Videos, so I’m not immune to the joys of a good fail video, especially when it relates to some mind-numbing viral challenge. Is this video staged? Possibly. Do I care? No. If it is, this guy deserves an Emmy. Or at least a Webby.

I’m forever grateful to YouTube for granting us the ability to hunt down obscure bits from bygone British sketch shows including Big Train, Jam and Man Stroke Woman. As a devoutly sports-agnostic Melburnian, this clip perfectly sums up what all television looks like to me the moment footy season kicks in.

7. Let me see what you have

One of those unbelievably perfect true-to-life moments which even the greatest minds in comedy couldn’t cook up if they tried. The blocking, the timing, the delivery, the camerawork, the cut out; this video is a triumph of the cinematic form, plus a great thing to show people when they ask why I don’t want kids.

8. Hannah Camilleri – Dracula

One of my favourite local comedians, Hannah Camilleri, has a stronger stomach for persistence gags than almost any performer I know, coupled with a curiously baroque taste in subject matter and a penchant for old gothic and fantasy tropes. Stellar stuff.

9. Brooklyn Beckham’s photography book

Elephants. So hard to photograph! Nepotism is a nefarious trait by which money, power and influence is hoarded and retained by the privileged few, thus exacerbating inequality and leading to untold rot at the heart of our society. Sometimes it’s also really funny.

10. Old-timey Hollywood bloopers

And finally, look at all these hot, talented, dead people. They were just like us! But with way better manners and much more to look forward to.

• Jordan Prosser is a writer, film-maker and performer. His debut novel, Big Time, is out now through UQP