Working life today is full of constantly evolving challenges and pitfalls. When is it OK to date a coworker?
Can you tell your team to get back into the office five days a week?
Whether you’re a baffled Boomer, a muddled millennial, or a confused Gen Z-er, our brilliant new columnist Nicola Horlick is here to help.
She’s going to be using her four decades of experience of corporate life to guide you through the traps and set you on the path to success in an atmosphere that’s supportive not a minefield. Read on for an exclusive preview.
After four decades in the workplace, Nicola Horlick has tackled many difficult issues. She will use her wealth of knowledge and experience to help you, in her new fortnightly column
Dear Nicola,
After a very boozy industry awards dinner, I stupidly had a one-night stand with a man who works for a rival firm in my industry.
Several months later, I got another job and to my horror, when I arrived at my new office, he was there.
My new firm has been on a recruitment drive and they had hired him too. We are both at a similar level so at least he is not in charge of me.
I have been too embarrassed to speak to him and have been dancing round the office trying to avoid him, but I have spotted him looking over in my direction. I am definitely not interested in him, so that is not an issue, but I am worried he might start pestering me or think I am interested in a repeat performance, which I am not.
I was really excited about this job, and it is a lot more money, but now I feel sick every morning at the thought of having to face him. It is just so mortifying. I know you will say this is a lesson not to drink too much at work events and I have learned that lesson the hard way, but what should I do now? – Anonymous
Nicola Horlick replies: It’s always better to confront this sort of issue head on. You should take the initiative and suggest that you and your colleague have coffee together. Tell him that you’re keen to establish a good working relationship and that you both need to get past the one-night stand.
Nicola’s advice is to tackle an issue like this head on – take the initiative and suggest you and your colleague have coffee together to work things out
If you’re the one who has taken the first step to resolving things, then you should be able to give him a clear signal that you want the relationship to be strictly professional from now on. Remember, he’s probably as embarrassed as you are, and it’s likely that he will be relieved that you just want to forget the drunken night out and move on.
If that approach doesn’t work and you still feel awkward, perhaps you could request a transfer to another department. I do feel, though, that this would be an admission of defeat and you should be able to walk into the office with your head held high and migrate to a healthy working relationship.
The primary point of working is to earn money, but it should be enjoyable too and if you really feel sick every morning at the thought of going to the office because of the past history with your colleague, then you absolutely have to do something about it immediately.
You are right about avoiding drinking too much at work events. In fact, when I joined a prestigious bank in the City after I left university, drinking was strictly forbidden and the founder of the bank always made it clear to all employees that any consumption of alcohol at work would affect their judgment.
In those days, business lunches involved copious amounts of alcohol – sherry on arrival, white wine with the starter, red wine with the main course and liqueurs with the coffee. Everyone could always spot the attendee from my bank because we were the ones strictly drinking water. It is definitely best to confine drinking to outings with friends rather than colleagues.
I am absolutely convinced that you can clear the air and move on. Please do write and let me know how it goes.
