Sweet treacle sounds of St Jaggaga

Don’t get me wrong. Like every other middle-aged monkey man trying to hold on to our thang, I also like a heavy glass of blues, especially when it comes out of the Rolling Stones generative non-AI machine. So, the moment ‘Sweet Sounds of Heaven,’ (shorturl.at/xBK79) the second song from their upcoming album Hackney Diamonds, was released a few weeks back, I lent it my ear full Roman-style. Let’s just say I thought it was going to grow on me.

The sweet tinkle of Stevie Wonder’s piano does start off things on a high note – well, on a C, F, and C actually. It’s Jagger in his long-drawn, proto-gospel drawl repainting You Can’t Always Get What You Want (shorturl.at/dtEMN), that classic last track from their 1969 masterpiece, Let It Bleed. But unlike the old nugget, two things happen here. One, for 5:06 min, nothing really happens except what sounds like competent riyaz. An attempt is made (to make things happen) when Lady Gaga joins the frayed verses with her falsetto. You see her in white gospel regalia, with arms flapping. Excellent singing, sure. But do we really pray at the Stones altar to get a dose of the (music, not the one for nuns) conservatory?

And two, what’s with them Strolling Bones going all Nobel PC? ‘Let no woman or child go hungry tonight/ Please protect us from the pain and the hurt, yeah’? Oh, dearie me. The high point – and it’s there because one really is looking out for it by now – is when St Jaggaga comes to the chorus with a redemptive B flat in ‘No, I’m not going to hell/ In some dusty motel.’ This is music from a competent Stones cover band performing ‘Hark the Angels Sing’ in an excruciating slow ‘We do blues’ style.

Spotify, please take me back to ‘I saw her today at the reception…’